There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.
I look for you, in the faces of loved ones, and I wonder so many things.
Do you look like your brother?
How tall would you be right now?
Do you have my nose?
Maybe you have your grandma’s eyes.
Do you have your dad’s curly hair?
You would be almost 3 now, what would you want for Christmas or even on your birthday?
I have so many questions, and very few answers.
What I do know is that, I love you.
I know that I truly miss you, and you are wanted.
I know that you watch over your brother and sister.
I know that you can’t be replaced, you and your siblings are uniquely your own individuals.
I know that I have an emptiness that only you can fill.
I know that the tears will never stop flowing.
I know I’ve become stronger since losing you, but the pain is something that will never go away.
I know I’ll continue to look for you this holiday and all the questions will come back.
I know that the tears have already started to flow.
I know that when the tears stop a smile will come and the day will be a foggy happiness.
I know that I truly love you.
I can’t quite explain the hurt, but I do know that during the holidays it can be hard for the families whose child or loved ones are no longer here. I know that at some point during the holidays the tears will flow. I know all the questions will arise again and you’ll find yourself without many answers still.
I don’t have all the answers, but I know it’s okay to let the tears flow and to be sad.